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I had seen my mum cry when I was much younger but not for many years. Now as I sat looking across the kitchen table from her, it seemed wrong. Who wants to witness one of their parents crying?
She had asked me out of the blue, ‘What would I do if I was ill, would I tell my children?’
‘Yes I would,’ I replied, and with that tears ran down her cheeks.
She has a type of heart problem that may not be solved and I don’t know what to say to her. To be honest we haven’t always been the closest Mother & Son. In fact at times we have barely been on speaking terms. But the last couple of years we seemed to have resolved our differences to the extent that I go round for a coffee a couple of times a week for a gossip.
But in all those years that I was growing up and not paying any attention she has aged and I hate it. 
If you could grade the days of the week how would you do it? How about this (1 being the best / 10 the worst):
Monday: 10. Obviously the worst day of the week. I drag my feeble body from bed each Monday with five days stretching away in front of me. I have to endure the classic office comments of ‘Did you have a good weekend.’ I feel like saying ‘Fuck Off, its none of your business.
Tuesday: 9. The only good thing about Tuesday is that it’s not Monday. Nobody asks how my weekend went so even that conversation has dried up. I will refer to this as Pointless Tuesday. Thus I will give a grade of 9.
Wednesday: 7. Strangely I find that Wednesday morning is a bit of an 8 but finishes up as a 7, sometimes borderline 6.
Thursday: 4. Thursday’s are much friendlier than the earlier weekdays. It so wants to be Friday but in essence is still only Thursday.
Friday: 3. Everyone’s favourite working day. Your nearly there...
Saturday: 1. The best day of the week for me. All day, no work but alas gone so quickly. If Monday is a cart pulled by a disabled donkey, then Saturday is a Formula 1 racing car. Vrrrroooommmm.... and it’s gone.
Sunday: 2. Yes I have given Sunday a 2 because of its proximity to Monday. In fact I could even put Sunday on a sliding scale of maybe 2 first thing in the morning down to 9 when I go to bed... 
These pictures are of the same lightshade, but one picture is taken with a flash. They both look so different.
I'm trying St.Johns Wort for my depression. Its either that or its Prozac or some other horrible anti-depressants. I'm trying to get the guts up to visit my doctor but I cant quite bring my self to go at the moment. But I have to do something or anything. I think about running away all the time, but Lou B cant... and I cant leave her. The picture is taken near the London Eye last week.
Today as I sat in within a dimly lit coffee shop in Waterloo Station, I watched a couple as they sat drinking. Neither of them touched each other but as they sat on opposite sides of a small square table I could see something was going on. She seemed to be leaning further towards him as though she was the 60% in the relationship. I don’t know why but I wondered if they are in the midst of a steamy affair. Were they both betraying partners? Was this a day in town on business of another sort...
I picked up my huge coffee cup with a handle so small that I could barely get my finger through. I took a sip and checked my phone for messages of which there were none. I sneaked a look over the rim of the cup, like a cold war spy and watched the couple again. He sits side on now and looks as if his mind is elsewhere. Thinking of a wife that he has lied to perhaps, or children that he said goodbye to this morning. She says something and laughs and he turns back to face her, staring into her eyes. They are so close now that he could easily just kiss her. Maybe has forgotten his other responsibilities and is thinking of an afternoon in a hotel room with her...
My coffee cup is empty and I must leave. As I walk past the couple she is lightly pushing coins around on the table and gently touches his hand with her long fingers. As I walk out into the brightness from my hiding place and away across the Thames I hope that they aren’t hurting anyone and that they are innocently in love.
And at that moment, right then, I wished I could put my arms round Lou b... 
The sun just breaking through the cloud today, for just a moment.
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